Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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