there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
