They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
