After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
