Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
