Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
