for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
