I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
