I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
