please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i've created a new STD.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
