You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
