Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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