me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
