I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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