I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
