oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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