if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
