I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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