why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
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So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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