I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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