just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
