you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
