So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
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just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
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Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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