I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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