thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
