My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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