tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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