i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize