im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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