She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
