Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
