Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
