If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
