obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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