turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
