So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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