OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
