When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
