I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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