i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
