Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
