how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
