TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
