turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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