I can tuck mytits in my pants
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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