Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
