he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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