a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
