I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
