just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
