okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
