how can u be prego again
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We left the knife in your bed.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
