how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
