I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
