The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
