He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
