you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
